april 1, 2013

wow. 

um. 

*coughs* *dusts off blog* 

I told myself back in December when January, and 2013, were coming around that I was going to blog. do the standard resolution post. and then the first week of January came and went, and the second week, then spring semester started… 

and needless to say, I’ve been hiding. from the Internet. I haven’t been on Twitter and Facebook like I used to be; I checked my email once a day then hid again. hiding because I feel like I’m failing the writing community (haha) by not writing (haha). I’m just a nobody. nobody cares about me. 

(that’s false; people care. but, I’m still a nobody in the writing community which is totally okay.) 

it’s taken me four months to get the courage to write. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of writing a sucky first draft. I like perfection. I strive for it. so it’s hard for me to think, “yes, I can probably fix this but I AM GOING TO GO FORWARD INSTEAD.” (backwards. I write backwards.) 

so here I am. it’s April 1. (a day I hate; I am already paranoid that people are pranking me, why is there a day FOR pranks?) I’m writing again. I’m trying not to think, “holy shitballs this thing SUCKS.” 

because it does, but I can’t fix it yet. not yet. 

also, the best news? I’m going part-time in the fall. getting a degree is my plan b, it always has been. it’s my safety net for when (if) I fail at this writing thing. so I need to get a degree.

but I also need to work on plan a: write a book. write a decent book. revise the shit out of that book. get an agent. sell a book. go through the publishing process with that book. sell another one and another one and another one, etc. 

so it’s April 1. it’s a new month. I have five weeks left of this semester. do I have a lot of work ahead of me? oh hell yeah. but I also plan on having a first draft done in two months.  goddamn am I going to be busy. and goddamn am I probably going to hate myself by the end of this semester.

but I’m writing and I have that itch to write. I’m happy. yesterday I didn’t write at all (I did homework while J was at work, then we went on a hike.) and felt so guilty. which, hey, that’s a good sign. I hope to keep this up. 

a new month. I have a fresh start. I can and will write every day. I don’t need a word limit, since I have time limits (between classes, before work, etc.) as long as I get words down on the page, I’m happy. 

and by the end of May, I should have a really sucky first draft. and I’ll be happy with it, damnit. 

the past year

I’ve . . . had a few problems this past year. Namely: I’ve been in a writing slunk. I was going through my old tweets (because, well, I was bored and it was JUST THERE. I kept scrolling and scrolling and whatever.) and I could FEEL the passion coming off of the screen. I would say things like “another 3k down for the day! bedtime!” or: “I need to write another thousand words before bed . . .” or: “I write 3k every day, and I do mean every day. I MUST have 3k words every day.” (that last one was to someone.)

You see, I used to be so dedicated. I would write 2 1/2 manuscripts a year. Multiple short stories. LOTS LOTS LOTS of flash fiction (think a thousand words or fewer.) I’ve been writing since 2007–almost five years! and this year I just stopped writing.

It was really hard for me to write and finish that YA fantasy. I’ve been working on Code Red and wanted it to done this year, but I think I have 10k and I just don’t even know about it anymore. I LOVE it, but I don’t. I don’t feel the urge to sit down and write and write and write. In fact, for the longest time, I thought I couldn’t write anymore. That I used it all up in those past manuscripts and now, nothing.

Which is why I was flipping back and forth on whether or not to do NaNoWriMo. You see, I love it. It’s how I wrote my first manuscript. But I was so, so afraid (still am) that I’ll write about 10k words and stop.

Instead of working on Code Red, I switched it up. Big time. Different genre, different voice. Completely different from what I usually write, but still very me.  Seducing the Art is a contemporary novel about a torrid affair, an unwanted pregnancy, and the decisions an art student must face about the pregnancy. And I hope, hope, hope I finish it.

Also: yes I am doing NaNoWriMo. I started yesterday. I always was a rebel child. Friend me?

NaNoWriMo word count: 2840

words left to write: 47,160

today’s goal: 5,000

on heartbreak and writing

It’s Tuesday, and I’ve decided to blog on Tuesdays. Except this morning, at 7:03 exact, I thought: what am I going to blog about? I shrugged it off, saying “I have multiple unfinished drafts. I’ll just pick one,” and went off to math. Except I’m not posting one of those drafts today. Maybe next week.

I write romance. I’ve only written one (ONE) manuscript where there really wasn’t a romance novel, but the other six there’s a romance. I don’t write it to RWA’s standards (“must have a happily ever after”) but in my definition, I do.

Yet I haven’t been writing. The last time I wrote was almost two weeks ago. Guys, this paralegal program is HARD and it’s going to kill me. It really is. If I survive–and write a few books–I’ll be golden. But I doubt I will survive, so hm.

What is the point of this post? Oh yeah. I write romance, I haven’t been writing, and now I’m talking about heartbreak. Because I’m going through it right now. The funny thing, though, was on Saturday I pulled up my manuscript–before all the shit went down, yet I had a feeling it would go down bad and fast–and read over the chapters I had already written. And guys, that little spark of almost heartbreak got me to look at my WIP.

And now, it’s Tuesday, it’s 8:48 AM as I write this, and I don’t have class until 10. Sure, I have homework I could do, but I think I’m going to write. I’m going to fall in love with the characters and the romance that’s happening, because it’s still new and shiny and everybody is in love. I’m not. I don’t get that honeymoon period. While I think there’s some sick part of me, because wouldn’t I want to AVOID anything lovey-dovey? (last night my friend and I watched a romance comedy and I nearly started CRYING at the end when the guy and girl got together.) There’s a part of me that is avoiding all things romance, except for my manuscript.

I am a strange one. Or it could be I know how their relationship is going to end in this manuscript, and it’s not exactly pretty, so . . . an upside?

mood: heartache

listening to: rehab – rihanna

july 15, 2012

I’m still working on Code Red and while I do have an idea where to go with the fantasy, I haven’t been working on it. It’s really hard to juggle two projects. O____o

That’s basically it. Yup. How are your goals coming along?

july 11, 2012

I’ve hit the point where it hurts not to tell the story. Which is nice, once I have the time to actually sit down with my story and write it. It’s really hard for me to write when my mother’s home since she always freaking interrupts me with THINGS to do.

I’ve also hit the point where all I want to do is spend all my time with Code Red. Which is nice, and this mood will stay with me until I’m sick of it and all I want to do is have a first draft. So that’s good.

My goals for ROW80:

- finish the major revision of YA fantasy (right now, word count goal: 1,500/editing: a chapter per day)

I sent an email to my CP about worldbuilding and how to begin this rewrite, so I’m just waiting for her response. But I think it might work. *maybe*

- finish the first draft of Code Red (right now, word count goal: 1,500 per day)

I haven’t hit 1.5k a day of writing yet, but I DID write over 1k last night which was an awesome stretch since mostly my word counts have been 500 or less (more like zero.) (also, my other CP wants the first draft in her inbox like yesterday, so that’s awesome motivation.)

- outline second science fiction

Uhh, I didn’t outline it but I did write a page of it. I like the MC’s voice. I think it’ll be fuuuun.

Also, I didn’t check in on Sunday because I was lounging on a couch in the middle of the mountains. This was my view. It was nice:

I have family up there, so we stayed the weekend with my aunt B. It’s so nice to have a house to stay in when you go up into the mountains! No tents, just beds.

july 4, 2012 – ROW 80 check in

happy fourth of july, United States people!

monday, july 2, 2012: I only wrote 600 words; 500 on fantasy, 100 on sci fi. I hardly write on Mondays, so the fact that I got 600 is amazing.

tuesday, july 3, 2012: been busy all day, but around 5 PM, I sat down with intentions to write, except I got an email I had been waiting for since yesterday and decided to jump on that job, instead of writing. around 6:30, I start to actual write (while watching Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith). I manage to write 327 words on Code Red before abandoning ship (okay, since it was fourth of july eve,  I went over to a friend’s.)

I also want to finish Code Red at the end of this month, so basically I need to write 1.5k every day. Which is my goal, so no big deal, right? And then I can focus on the fantasy with no name in August. Since I’m rewriting the fantasy, I think this is a good plan. And it’ll work for me, hopefully.

I’m slowly making progress! not as much as I want to, but it’s only the third day. TODAY I will reach my daily word count goals! (hopefully.)

ROW80: Round 3

edited: July 2

So, I think it was last year when I first participated in ROW80, which is a Round of Words in 80 days. When I participated, it actually helped a whole lot, and since round three falls right during my deadline, I thought it’d be great help to reach it.

Granted, my deadline is August 20, and this round will go beyond that, but hey, I have other projects to work on.

My goals for ROW80:

- finish the major revision of YA fantasy (right now, word count goal: 1,500/editing: a chapter per day)

- finish the first draft of Code Red (right now, word count goal: 1,500 per day)

- outline second science fiction

- revise Code Red (maybe; depends on when round 3 ends)

My goals before ROW80:

- uh, outline both of these manuscripts. I have outlines, but they’re not finished. So yes, outlines must be finished before July 2! YES I FINISHED. days before July, too! hooray!

Want to sign up? Go here.