*coughs* *dusts off blog*
I told myself back in December when January, and 2013, were coming around that I was going to blog. do the standard resolution post. and then the first week of January came and went, and the second week, then spring semester started…
and needless to say, I’ve been hiding. from the Internet. I haven’t been on Twitter and Facebook like I used to be; I checked my email once a day then hid again. hiding because I feel like I’m failing the writing community (haha) by not writing (haha). I’m just a nobody. nobody cares about me.
(that’s false; people care. but, I’m still a nobody in the writing community which is totally okay.)
it’s taken me four months to get the courage to write. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of writing a sucky first draft. I like perfection. I strive for it. so it’s hard for me to think, “yes, I can probably fix this but I AM GOING TO GO FORWARD INSTEAD.” (backwards. I write backwards.)
so here I am. it’s April 1. (a day I hate; I am already paranoid that people are pranking me, why is there a day FOR pranks?) I’m writing again. I’m trying not to think, “holy shitballs this thing SUCKS.”
because it does, but I can’t fix it yet. not yet.
also, the best news? I’m going part-time in the fall. getting a degree is my plan b, it always has been. it’s my safety net for when (if) I fail at this writing thing. so I need to get a degree.
but I also need to work on plan a: write a book. write a decent book. revise the shit out of that book. get an agent. sell a book. go through the publishing process with that book. sell another one and another one and another one, etc.
so it’s April 1. it’s a new month. I have five weeks left of this semester. do I have a lot of work ahead of me? oh hell yeah. but I also plan on having a first draft done in two months. goddamn am I going to be busy. and goddamn am I probably going to hate myself by the end of this semester.
but I’m writing and I have that itch to write. I’m happy. yesterday I didn’t write at all (I did homework while J was at work, then we went on a hike.) and felt so guilty. which, hey, that’s a good sign. I hope to keep this up.
a new month. I have a fresh start. I can and will write every day. I don’t need a word limit, since I have time limits (between classes, before work, etc.) as long as I get words down on the page, I’m happy.
and by the end of May, I should have a really sucky first draft. and I’ll be happy with it, damnit.