I fell off the earth.
To be more precise, I just disappeared from the Internet one day. I try to think back to the day where I stopped going onto Twitter, onto Tumblr, onto WordPress… but I can’t remember. Was it summer? It has to be, since my last post on here was in July of 2013. But to be perfectly honest, I don’t know. I deleted all of my previous tweets because my constant “oh, Twitter, I miss you! I am back” and then nothing for months made me sad.
When I think back to what happened the last 2 1/2 years, I do get really, really sad. So here is why I disappeared for so long: I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years.
He was super controlling and was rather elusive about it. I didn’t recognize the abuse until it started to become physical violence. I am okay, but since the bulk of the abuse was emotional, I am still not 100% okay. My anxiety is off the charts now; I have terrible stomach issues that I think is related back to the emotional abuse. There is a lot of residual things that I can attribute back to the time I spent with him.
I have been away for him for over a year now. I left in August of 2015, spent a month bumming on my friend’s couch, before getting my own apartment and realizing that I could live on my own and support myself. It’s been tough – I still have arguments with him in my head, because I have done something wrong and I can hear his voice. He used to call me “bitch” all the time, I would ask him not to call me that, but he would say, “If only you stopped acting like a bitch.”
Well, I am taking back that word. I am a bitch because bitches get stuff done. I stopped doing everything I enjoyed during the relationship, but I did graduate with my associate’s in paralegal studies and I’m working on my bachelor’s in criminal justice. But it makes me really sad, and really guilty, that I stopped reading and writing.
That being said, I am working on my ninth novel. It’s crazy to me that I have written eight novels; I seriously can’t quite believe it sometimes. I started actually writing (I don’t count the little stories I wrote in the back of my notebook in math classes because they were never completed – they were just paragraphs of potential stories) in December of 2007. I have grown so much since then, and I have experienced a lot more.
I am back for good now. I have been on Twitter for a few weeks now. I actually got a story idea – can’t you tell I am super excited about this ninth novel? I look and feel so much better than I did when I was with him:
I am down 35 pounds! I am SMILING! My hair is finally back to the length it was before I cut it off in spite of him. Seriously – he loved my hair long, so one day in June last year I went to a hair salon and asked them to cut off two feet of hair.
(I almost didn’t want to post this picture because you can see how sad I am.)
But I am back. I am back for good. I am currently reading THE GIRL FROM EVERYWHERE by Heidi Heilig and I love it so far. I am in my second semester of my bachelor degree and even though I despise every moment of Statistics, I do enjoy the challenges it brings. I’m hoping to go to law school in 2018. And also, I hope to continue writing stories.